Seven of Albert Gore’s Toes, 61, of Belle Meade, TN, formerly of Washinton, DC, died Wednesday, October 28, 2009 on a rural road outside of Nashville, TN.
Al’s toes were born March 31, 1948, in Washington, DC. The seven deceased toes are survived by Mr. Gore’s cankles, love handles and back hair. The details surrounding the loss of Al’s toes, best known for their relationship to Mr. Gore, have yet to be released. It has been announced that services will be held at the local Footlocker.
Arrangements by the Bless Your Heart Funeral Home. Nashville, TN, (202) 567-6800
There have been attempts to cover up the exact details surrounding this tragedy, but I was lucky enough to speak to one of the EMT’s who were called to the scene. Based on Mr. Gore’s statements to the EMT’s, he was trapped in his car, with his driver, during a freak blizzard that hit the Nashville area. The former VP was trapped for nearly nine hours and claimed the situation was so dire he was forced to resort to cannibalism. Unfortunately, not even wearing the clothes of his dinner was enough to keep Mr. Gore warm and the environmentalist lost seven of his toes to frostbite.
On the way to the hospital, the EMT commented to Mr. Gore about the freak nature of the blizzard. The former VP is said to have responded by citing the survival of three of his toes as clear evidence for global warming. After Mr. Gore arrived at the hospital, I was fortunate enough to briefly speak with him. When asked if he would consider supporting a charity for others who have lost digits, Mr. Gore proceeded to explain how he had invented charity. I sat, listened to the former VP explain his invention of charity and waited patiently until the men in the white coats came to drag him to the psychiatric ward.
We at Dead Celebrity of the Week would like to extend our sympathies to Mr. Gore, his remaining toes, and the baby polar bear that we ate for breakfast. Go with Gaia, Mr. Gore’s toes.
Originally posted here
