Book Recommendation: The Bible of Unspeakable Truths

I spent the weekend doped up on Cipro (sadly, no hallucinations). I took the opportunity to read Greg Gutfeld’s latest book, “The Bible of Unspeakable Truths.” Allow me to preface this recommendation by saying I’m a big fan of his television show, Red Eye, and his previous book, “Lessons From The Land of Pork Scratchings.” Fortunately for my health, this latest work by Greg did not suck or inhibit my recovery whatsoever (This was disappointing, as I had hoped to sue Greg for some of that sweet pain and suffering money). As usual, I found myself agreeing with Greg’s observations more often than not, but his unique way of approaching topics made this an excellent read. It was such a pleasure that I finished it within the first day (It should be noted that this is no small miracle as reading, almost always, makes me fall into a coma). It’s a challenge to make politics entertaining (without relying on cliched soft targets as Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert do), but Greg Gutfeld makes it look easy. With truths like “Obama Is a Hot Chick” and “Child Slavery Is Underrated” you know you’re in for quite a ride. Some of the topics in the book may be familiar to Red Eye and Daily Gut fans, but Greg’s commentary is as fresh and entertaining as ever… like a tall glass of cold unicorn semen on a hot day. So go order Greg Gutfeld’s The Bible of Unspeakable Truths. And, if you haven’t already, pick up his previous work “Lessons From The Land of Pork Scratchings.”

If you are not completely satisfied, I’ll kill Greg.*

*-Murder is a federal crime. Any claim to being less than satisfied will result in the murder of Greg Gutfeld and you will be held legally liable.

More Proof

We now know that you don’t actually have to do a damn thing to win a Nobel Peace Prize.

Any Ideas?

My genitals need your help. I was staring at my genitals the other day (What? It’s my junk and I’m allowed to stare) and I decided they could use something. Therefore, I’ve decided that my junk is in need of a humorous tattoo.

Why do my genitals need a graphic? Purely for my psychological benefit. If a woman breaks out into laughter at the sight of my genitals, I need to be able to convince myself it’s because of the tattoo. In short (heh, I said short), I’m looking for something universally funny to decorate my package. Obviously text is out of the question, due to the language barrier. I don’t want some Laotian Ladyboy staring inquisitively at my junk for all the wrong reasons.

So feel free to post your suggestions, folks. I’m looking for something funny so massage your funny bones, because you know I am, and hit me with your best shot. Just not in the eyes.

I’ll start it off with something simple. I was thinking of a smiley face on my scrotum.