The following is every random thing that popped into my head between 7am and 8am this morning.
–I’m currently watching a woman fellate a horse. We live in a truly amazing age. Just think, if I wanted to see something this fucked up 100 years ago, I would have to leave my house.
–I want to kill somebody with a giant boulder, just so I can go into court and argue that I was being framed by Wile E. Coyote.
–I’m pretty sure I could fit my limp wang into the opening of that 3 liter jug. Then I could pop a boner and hear that cool hollow thud when I run around smacking stuff.
–My butt itches. My nose itches too. I need to be careful about which I decide to scratch first.
–I should try farting into my air purifier. Not that anything cool would happen … I just think it’s asking for it.
–Time to check twitter.
The following were originally posted on my twitter account
–I want to see more people tweet about midgets covered in gravy. Midgets truly are awesome and a great reason to oppose eugenics
–my mouth tastes funny. somebody else needs to taste my mouth & tell me if it tastes funny to them. Can a mouth expire?
–my eye itches, but I don’t have a back scratcher within my reach. There is never a steel wool pad sitting around when you need one.
–My cell phone slips out of my hand a lot. It’s the only way I know to hit kids on the head without getting in trouble
–I want to have sex with Shamu the killer whale. I don’t find her attractive .. I simply want bragging rights.
–I wonder what my keyboard tastes like
–and I thought my mouth tasted funny..
–I’d hang one of those pine tree air fresheners from my penis, but I’m afraid squirrels will come after my nuts.
–my eye still itches. I can’t live at the mercy of a rogue eyeball. I should pour pepper into it to get even
–Idea for a new lottery. Each week we pick a random SS# & kill that person. It could be sponsored by Valium
–There is a thing called urethra stretching. I’ve been bored, I’ve even been really bored. But, I’ve never been THAT bored.
–When my chin whiskers get long enough, I’m tying a plastic army man to some of them. I wonder how that would look on my driver’s license
–I tweeted about a woman performing oral sex on a horse and I lost one follower. You’re sick puppies .. I like it
–7 more minutes and I can go back to my normal tweeting. Bad for those who want me committed, but good for twitter.
–If the local hookers have better breath, you have me to thank. I’ve been sticking tic tacs in my urethra.
–my right arm is slightly more developed than my left. I need to switch things up for symmetry
–Fact: My keyboard tastes funny, but it’s better than my mouse.
Well that’s roughly one hour in my head. You’re welcome, America.